Common Courtesy With Systems

As a singlet, it can be difficult to figure out what is or isn’t appropriate when interacting with a system, especially if you have no experience or knowledge of systemhood beforehand. Here are some common courtesy points to remember when interacting with a system!

The most important thing to do in order to be respectful and polite is to ask the system you know what they are or aren’t comfortable with. Some systems are perfectly okay with close friends asking for certain alters, while others are uncomfortable with requests or cannot switch easily. Depending on who you know and how close you are to them, these common courtesy points can vary.

- If the system is comfortable with it, ask questions about systemhood or plurality! Yes, even the rude ones. Assuming knowledge is more harmful in the long-term than asking an uncomfortable or awkward question.

- Don’t associate systems only with our disorder or treat us differently because of it. We are people too, with lives and personality traits that are not tied to our systemhood.

- Ask how we would prefer to be treated regarding alter individuality. Some of us may want our parts to be fully distinguised from each other, while others may like for you to treat us the same no matter who is fronting.

- If a system likes to have their parts acknowledged as separate: Pay attention to individual desires/interests, especially if they may overlap or contradict, and especially if they are small everyday things.

- Do not trigger an alter out without permission. This is a severe violation of our boundaries.

- If we seem to be dissociating or struggling badly, please ask us if we need help instead of immediately trying to help us. Respect our autonomy and independence.

- When talking with fictives or factives, ask if they are comfortable with having their source brought up. Don’t treat fictives or factives as if they automatically want to be associated with their source.

- Ask systems what they would prefer in terms of you interacting with system littles, or if they would like for you to interact with them at all.