Advice for New and Questioning Systems

Note: These are bits and pieces of advice gathered from the plural community about what they wish they knew when they were a new or questioning system. Keep in mind that every system is different, and no advice can be entirely helpful for everyone. As always, your mileage may vary with these resources. Still, we hope that this advice can make things a little bit easier for some of you out there, and maybe give some valuable insight into systemhood.

1. Take your time.

Don’t rush to figure every little thing out or try to label every single function in your system. More often than not, it can be more harmful than helpful. If you’re still questioning, look at other conditions that can cause similar symptoms in order to rule out other possibilities. If you find out that you’re not a system in the end, that’s okay too. Mental health is a journey of self-discovery that you go on at your own pace.

2. Do your own research!

Take what you hear online with a grain of salt—people like to generalize rules about a very complex disorder. Yes, this includes this website as well. Think critically about the content and resources that you are perusing. The more information you know about these disorders, the more armed you are against misinformation on the internet. In addition to looking at resources for DID/OSDD, look for resources on PTSD/C-PTSD as well, as they may often apply to you.

3. Be patient and kind to yourself.

It can be hard to process that you are a system, and it can be hard to process that you have trauma. Recognize that your trauma was not your fault, and that you are not to blame for the things that happened to you.

4. You don’t have to compare your system to other peoples’ systems.

If your system doesn't look like someone else's system, you're not doing anything wrong. If something in your system doesn't make sense, you're not doing anything wrong. Trying to force your system to behave the "correct" way will just hurt you, because there is no “correct” way for a system to be. Trust your own experiences. If something’s happening in your brain, then it can happen.

5. You aren’t obligated to tell anyone.

Others are never entitled to information about you or your disorder. You are never a liar for keeping personal details to yourself. Do not allow anyone to make you feel you need to give information on your disorder to others. It is up to you to decide what you'd like to share and what you wouldn't. Keep yourself safe, and keep your personal information private.

6. Allow your alters to be themselves.

Don’t try to repress their behaviors if they are not actively harmful to you. If an alter’s actions are harming you, try to treat the alter with compassion and understand the reason why they may be doing this. Alters are trying to do what they can to either protect you from harm or cope with it. Trying to look at their behavior in that context and with a little bit of curiosity instead of judgement can help.

7. Don't stress yourself out with trying to figure out who's fronting.

It usually doesn’t matter. Don't worry if the lines between alters are not distinct. In DID/OSDD, identity is by nature very fluid, and trying to fit everything into a neat little box will cause trouble down the line when circumstances arise and don’t fit.